House of Hedonism

Welcome to hel-Er...the House...of Hedonism...Yeah thats it, right...XP


Simple, but Urgent Notice.

Unfortunately, Arina's arm is broken. Apparently, she has fallen down a fight of stairs....

We have also discovered the cause of her fall: KIRA. She claims she just did it for laughs. She has this to say in her defense:

"DUDE! It was TWO steps!! How in the f***ing hell do you fall down two steps and break your arm?!?! If you ask me, she already had a dislocated brain!"

Arina now has a lime-green cast. Please sign it...Thank you.



Episode 3== Foamy!

"Ayame pays $5 for a urine size cup of coffee swill, hehe." Lilaithia mummbled half asleep as she walked into the kitchen. The five previous inhabitents of the room just stared at her.
"I'm going to starsmucks to immitate foamy's rant, enybody wanna come with me?" she said looking like she was fixing to pass out.
"You stayed up all night watching the faomy dvd's againd didn't you?" Squall inquired. At this the half asleep axel and Kyo's (fruits basket) heads poped up.
"What! Why didn't you invite us!" they whined.
"Becouse you-" she pointed at Kyo " were emoing with cloud. And you-" she pointed at Axel. "were...buisy...-" at this point
kira walked in.
"Significant pause busy or just busy?" Lil smirked.
"Significant pause busy!" She said with a chesire cat grin.
"Ah! So that's what that noise was! damn! you two were going on like rabbits all night! I couln't even concentrate on finishing my game!" At this both Squall and Axel blushed.
"What is foamy?" Cloud asked from his seat on Sephiroths lap. Sephiroth also looked intrigued by this foamy creature. At the question Lilaithia's eyes bugged out.
"You...don't know who faomy is?!?" Lilaithia looked mortified before smiling evily. "Then I'll have to show you!" Squall
just looked slightly annoid at this prospect while Kyo and Axel looked extatic. They went to the largest living room so they could watch it on the big screen. "Hey Axel! which episode should we watch?" Lilaithia said putting the dvds in.
"A-kon Rules!" Axel and Kyo shouted.
"O.K.!" Lilaithia started a-kon rules and turned off the lights.
{Germain: "boob attack!"
(Cloud: 0__0)(Sephiroth o.0)}
"My eyes!!!" Sephiroth begain whine/screaming. "THEY BURN! THEY BURN!"
"Innocents... dear sweet innocents...LOST!" Cloud whined in a trance. Lilaithia wacked both of them on the back of the head.
"Next episode!"
"Dirty Languray{?}"
{-guys head explodes-
(Cloud O_o)(Sephiroth 0.O)}
"Sephy?" Cloud looked up innocently at sephiroth. "will my head explode like that if I see a woman in a thong?" Sephiroth
patted clouds head.
"Of course no--" Sephiroth suddenly froze and an evil smirk appeared on his face. "Of course your head will explode
"I HAVE HEAD EXPLODY!!!" Lilaithia, Kira, Axel, and Kyo yelled immitating Johnny the Homocidle Maniac. Sephiroth sighed.
"Come Cloud-chan, you and I should leave before there stupidity infects us all." and with that statement they left the group.
-A few minits later-
"HEAD EXXXPPPLLLOOODDDIIIEEE!" Kira screamed sounding slightly drunk. Lilaithia looked around, and noticing someone was missing pulled on Squall's sleeve to get his attention.
"Were did Sephy and Cloud-chan go?"
"They left a few minits ago."
"Something about not wanting to be contaminated by your stupidity."
"Why?" this time Axel joined in saying 'why' in unison with Lil.
"Becouse Sephy still has a stick up his a-"
"NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!" Kira screamed hitting Squall on the back of the head. At this time Sephiroth came flying out of the basement.
"WHOSE BEEN IN MY MARIJIUANA AGAIN?!?!" Kira looked around the room before quickly running away with Sephiroth hot on her trail.
"Well," Kyo stated from his seat on the bean-bag. "That was an intresting turn of events." He said before they all retired to opposit rooms to lounge around for the rest of the day.




"Lil... what are you hugging?" Axel asked when he saw Lilaithia hiding in the corner.
"MY MANA PLUSHIE! MINE!" Lilaithia said hidding deeper into the shadows. "don't worry Mana. I wont let him touch you." She said in a soothing voice.
"You should know by now to ignore her when she's obsessing over a plushie." Squall said from behind Axel, who jumped about a foot away when he heard the voice.
"DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!" He said trying to catch his breath.
"My plushie!" Lilaithia said running back to her room.
"That's why we're not allowed to enter her room."
"MOTHER!" Kadaj sqeeled, jumping out of no wear and hugging squall, who merely glared and pushed him off.
"I-AM-NOT-YOUR-MOTHER!!!" Kadaj almost looked like he was going to cry before he saw Lilaithia walking down the stairs.
"MOTHER!" He said tossing himself into her arms. "Mother I've missed you soooo much!" Lilaithia knew she shouldn't help his insainity but the chance to play with his beautiful hair was too tempting.
"Aww, sweety! I've missed you too." as they hugged, Squall and Axel glared at Kadaj, walked up behind him and pulled him away from Lilaithia.
"Kadaj! My baby!" Axel let go of Kadaj and grabed Lilaithia.
"Lilaithia is ours!" Axel and Squall said in unison. "Touch her again and we'll rip out your precious hair." At this statment Lilaithia started struggling in Axels arms. "If you two touch one silver strand on his head." At this point she broke away. "PLUSHIE PRISM POWER!"
Lilaithia called out transforming into some form of goth/lolita sailor moon. *cue nose bleeds caused by her transformation nudity.* "I am sailor plushie and in the name of beutiful hair, I shall punish you!" she stated with a serious face copying sailor moons poses."And as I was saying *cough cough* If you two touch one silver strand on his beutiful head *she pulls a whip out of thin air* I'll tie you up and tell Sephy you were trying to destroy his flower garden!" At this statement everyone in the room froze in place and Sephiroth suddenly appeared in the doorway wearing a green apron with all his hair pulled back in a ponytail.
"Their not flowers. There marijiuana{?} plants, hence the reason why I keep them hidden in the basement."
"Oh, brother!" Kadaj said hugging onto Sephiroth, " you're sooo cool!" Sephiroth just scowled before pushing Kadaj off him.
"Stay away from me." Sephiroth said before exiting the room. Kadaj got teary eyed before running to Lilaithia.
"Mommy! Big brother was being mean to me again!"
"Awww. There there now. I won't let enyone hurt your hair- I mean you!" and this time their hugging was uninterupted seeing as Axel and Squall had past out. Weather it was from blood lose or the fact that Sephiroth was growing marijuana in the basement we'll never know.

-And remember kids! Sialor plushi says: "Marijiuana is bad for you *giggle*-





The scream not only shook the house but it also knocked Roxas out of the bed.
"Fuzzy blankets!" Roxas screamed as he bolted upright. As he looked around he noticed two things:
1. He was on the floor and not his bed.
2. The house was the center of a small earthquake.

"RIKU!!" Roxas jumped up and wobbled over to the door, just in time to hear cussing and the crashing of fine china. "Hey! knock it of-AHH!!!" Roxas had just opened the door when he jumped back again just in time to avoid being a human-kabob on Sephiroths sword.

Sephiroth ran after Riku, flailing his sword left and right. Sephy slide here and there as he ran after Riku in only his tighty whities and socks. "Give me back my coffee!!" Riku just ran faster, holding Sephy's prericous can of Midgar Coffee in his hands. "NEVAR!!! MUST HAVE COFFEE!!!!"

"Hey you two cut if out!!" Roxas said then joined the chase. They ran down the stairs and...

"Don't worry brother! Super Kaj to the rescue!"
Everyone stopped dead as Kadaj flew over the banister, his blankie tied like a cap, right at Sephiroth.
"AHH!!" Sephiroth screamed and couldn't move fast enough. He flung Roxas at Kadaj and ran.

Kadaj smiled happily and nuzzled Roxas. "BROTHER!" Kadaj had forgotten to open his eyes so he thought Roxas was Sepiroth until Roxas's elbow slammed down on his head.
"OW!" Kadaj looked up with hurt in his eyes. "Wait....Roxas!?!?!"
Kadaj looked around the room in panic. "B-but..where is....?"
"He went that way." Roxas pointed to the left as Kadaj flew toward the direction Roxas pointed.

Roxas just sat there in shock as a girly scream was heard off in the distance. Riku walked over, calm and cool with a hot cup of coffee in his hand.

"You are all weird." Riku said as Roxas passed out with a groan.

Sugar Rush

Well it had finally happened...
After the shopping trip to the store everyone knew it was comming...

~Sugar Rush!~

Music was blaring around the house as everyone ran like chicken's with their heads cut off. Yazoo and Kira were playing DDR so fast that the dance pad was smocking. Not smoking, smocking! Near them Dagger, Riku, and Rozas were playing the gamecube. They didn't know what they were playing but they were button mashing so hard the controllers where cracking.

Right across the room Sephiroth was running faster than the treadmill he was on. Kadaj was right behind him.
"Why don't you love me big brother!?" Kadaj wimpered as he held out his hands, trying to grab Sephiroth's hair so he could put another pink ribbon in it.
"Stay away from me!!"
"B-But don't you love me big brother?!"

Lilathia was sitting in her room, sewing quietly, when Kadaj flew through the wall because of shock. Through the hole left you could still see Sephiroth running like hell on the treadmill. Lilathia didn't even bat an eye as she sewed random bondage outfits faster than the speed of light, and her Diru dolls ripped them off faster. "WHAT THA HELL!?!?!"

"Don't touch that firehydrent!!!" Loz screamed as he pulled the fire alarm. When it went off everyone looked at the ceiling and the flashing red lights.


Slowly everyone grinned. "RAVE!!!"

The music only got louder as banging and yelling were heard all through the night. But finally, early the next morning all was quiet. They had all passed out.

"Why the hell are there pink ribbions in my hair!??!"




Poppies are Puppies for Christmas

"SEPHY!" Lil squeeled and hugged him. "I've got you a present!"
"Great..." Sephiroth said in a monotone voice. "What is it this year?" She gave him a psychotic grin before running off to the backyard.
"POPPIES!" She screamed running outside. Sephiroth became curious wondering if she was telling the truth. And, letting himself actually believe, he followed her out. The second he walked out he was molested by about five fluffy white, black or brown puppies.
"What the heck! Get these things off me!" He screamed trying to run back in the house.
"But there your Christmas present." She said sweetly. "And their names are Poppie, Opium, Marijiuana, Doobie, and Smokey. Aren't they cute!" Sephy just stared at her in awe.
"Are you really that... that... insane?"
"Of course!" she said before skipping back into the house. "Oh! and only Poppie, Opium, and Marijiuana are yours. Dubie is Axel's and Smoky is Squall~y's." she said too cheerfully before running back inside to find Axel and Squall. Sephiroth glared at the puppies.
"Bah humbug." he said crossing his arms and allowing the pupies to lick him. " I hate Christmas!"



Holidays? What Holidays?

"What the fa-la-la! Its two fa-la-laing days after New fa-la-laing Years! Why is the fa-la-la fa-la-la la-la censor still in fa-laing effect!" Cid punctuated his fa-laings with jabs of a wrench at my non-atentitive chest.

Not that my chest has a pro-atentitive state or a conciousness with which to be atentitive in the first place. Ferthermore I shall stop characterizing my limbs and move on with my narritive.

"Dunno" I replied, with the chipperness of a happy serving girl ready to please, that is to say monotonisly.

"Well fa-la-laing find out!"

"Its probably the same reason our holiday episode is in January..."

Cid burst forth with a series of 'fa-la-la's that could have put a profesional choir to shame.

"Really Cid please! the censor will probably deactivate in a few days."

"Don't, 'Really Cid please!' me, you nancy boy!"

The sound of a frying pan hitting a hollow surface (i.e. Cid's head) echoed through the House. Yes, I admit, it may have been a bit of over kill but my fervrent prayer for duck tape was never answered.

"Um, Kira I think you killed him"

I chose not to respond. We sat in silence watching the pool of Cid's blood.

"Was spending time with your family that bad."

"Hush, Yazoo."

We sat in silence for another moment before Yazoo sighed and pulled me into a hug. I give this man props it is not easy to get near me when Im pissed, exaughsted, and ready to rip out eyeballs.

"Happy Christmas Kira-koi."

"Merry New Year Yazoo-baka"

He petted my hair having a rare moment of peace and psudo-PDA before drawing back to look at me.

"So should we call Saix to fix up whats left of Cid's head?"

"Do we have to?"


Stairwell Pr0n

"Dude! Why is there porn on my T.V.?!"

"Dun worry my man its censored!"

"Dude its a spot of fuzz! It don't censor anything!"
"Dude where are you anyway?"

"Getting off on the fuzz man!"

This was the point in the conversation that Roxas finally joined them so they could finally leave. This was also the point that Kira and Lil realized sitting in the dorm stairwell ws prpbably bad for their mental health. So as they walked out, they silently agreed to go back tomorrow.


The Annoying Thing

"Doom doom doom doom... AXEL! WHERE ARE YOU!" ~stupid Axel and Squall! Always disappearing when I need someone to annoy!~ Lilaithia looked out of the corner of her eye and saw Kira eating a sandwich. "KIRA!" Lilaithia said in a happy~druggie way. Kira just glanced at her before running as fast as possible in the opposite direction. Lil just blinked before going back to her search for Axel. "Axel get out here now or I'll tie you up and give you to Sephy as a pretty little torcher toy." she said in a sickly sweet voice.
"OK. OK." Axel walked out from behind the couch
"Axel!" Lil ran up and hugged him. "Time to fix your hair!"
"NO NO NO NO NO!" Lil just looked at him
"Axy..." she looked at him inocently "plea..."
"GET OFF ME!" Sephiroth screamed walking in the room.
"But brother," Kadaj said holding on to his arm. "Lilaithia said we should spend quality time together! She says my want for mother could disapear if I had a good strong emotional relationship with my brothers!"
"Oooopsie... hehe..." Lilaithia slowly tried to disapear into the shadows.
"Lil?" Axel walked up to her. "have you been playing psychologist again?"
"Hehe...well you see Axel... I was kindahighonsugarand..."
"LILAITHIA!!!" Sephiroth screamed, and Lil ran. "WHERE IS SHE!!! WHERE IS THAT BRAT!!!" Sephiroth begain ranting about Lil being the bane of his existence. "AXEL!" He pointed to the red head.
"I didn't do it" Axel held his hands up.
"Where is she?" Sephiroth practically growled.
"Brother! What a wonderful way to spend quality time! Lets kill Lil!"
"THAT AIN'T WHAT I MENT ABOUT QUALITY TIME!" Lilaithia yelled as she ran out of the house and strait into Yazoo.
"Lilaithia?" He looked confused as she stood up.
"Oooh! Pretty hair!" Yazoo slowly begain backing away. "No!" Lil slapped herself. "I have to get away before Sephy kills me!" Lilaithia started running down the driveway.
"Sephy? Whose..."
"Lilaithia!" Sephiroth stepped out the door.
"Oh!" Yazoo realized, "What did she do this time?"
"Thanks to her Kadaj won't ..."
"Brothers!" Kadaj said in a sweet voice. "Now we can spend quality time together!" Yazoo and Sephiroth looked at each other before running like hell in the same direction Lilaithia had disappeared in. About that time Squall apeared out of no where.
"She started another brother bonding argument didn't she." He asked Axel, who was still slightly confused.
"I guess..." Axel said looking up at Squall.
"SQUALLY!" Axel threw his arms around the brunet. "I love you!" Axel said kissing Squall.
"WHAT THE HELL!" Squall was left alone as Axel pranced out. About that time Lilaithia walked in.
"Uhm..Squall?" Lil asked carefully. "Have you seen Axel? Hehee." Lil tried to hide her giggling.
"What are you laghing at? AND MY NAME IS LEON!!!"
"Uhm... uh..." Lilaithia grabbed his arm and walked him to the dresser. Squall looked in the mirror and on his cheek was a pink flower sticker with the word 'uke' written in hippie font. Squall merelly glared at his reflection.
"Uhm, Squally?"
"AXEL! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE YOU WOULD-BE-PRETTY-BOY-GOTH!" he then went around the house in a futile attempt to find the red head, who had most likely already hidden himself excessivly well.
"*sigh*" Lilaithia walked up the stairs and fell into her bed coered in her multiple Squall/ Axel/ Kadaj/ Sephiroth/ Yazoo/ Zexion/ Xemnas plushies.
"Just another day in the wannabe playboy/girl mansion." she said squishing her favorite Sephiroth, Kadaj, Axel, and Squall plushies and falling asleep.
"Sephy! Yazoo! Come back!" Kadaj whined as he chased his brothers all over the country.

Welcome to Hooter's

It was a normal day. Not normal-normal cause normal-normal isnt in the House's vocabulary...not that the house has a vocabulary, its a house...Anyway I digress. It was a normal day, but as we all know around here normal dosent stay normal for long.

It was Sunday so only a few people had classes so most of us were hanging out in the living room. Axel and Lilaithia had started a DDR torniment in the middle of the room so most of the people had gravitated over to play or watch Axel, self proclamed King of Dance, get beaten by Zexion.

(I was cheering for Zexy of course...)

I was sitting on the far side, near the computers playing, Soul Calibur with Kadaj, who was acting quite tame, not bothering his brothers or looking for Kaa-san. Though he would pause the game look over at the tent that had been erected over the computers and chuckle evilly. Oddly, no one else had noticed it except Dagger, and we were ignoring her that day.

I dint really even notice Seph until he was right behind me. He had skirted around the DDR goers to avoid being seen by Kadaj, who had acctully seen him anyway and begain cackling again, and stood behind us for a minute or two before heading off to the computers. Probably to check bids on, the marijuana plants he had on Ebay. Not that he ever got there, as soon as he got to the flap-door of the tent he was tackled by...a palm tree?

I spared a moment to glance over at him, which Kadaj used to combo me (Jerk!), and a buxom red head girl gat on his abdomen as the tell-tale owl unrolled. I smacked my forehead (not before Ring Out-ing Kadaj's Nightmare however) as the red head purred at Seph.

"Welcome to Hooter's! How may I service you?"

Good god her boobs jiggle a lot! She could rival Tifa for bra size, though I dont think she was wearing one...Digression. Squee.

Seph stared at her in horror for a moment or two until what she had said sunk in. There was a girly shreak and Seph was backed up against a wall. Red just chuckled.

"Dont like girls?" She purred. There was a flash of light and the girl was replaced by a blond boy with hazel eyes, blue streaks in his hair, and the body of a 5'6'' twelve year old gymnast. And we all know thats always a good thing.

"Perhaps you like me better?" The blond asked softly and slinked over to Sephiroth, who was immobilized by terror, and begain to run his hands on Seph's chest. Sehpiroth's eye begain to twich. Blondy's hands got lower.

Until Blondy's hands got a little to low and with a strangled battle cry Seph pitched the boy across the room into a couch near the DDR players.

(By this point Kadaj and I had played two more rounds and were on the final battle. So when Blondy cameback, pointing and yelling at Kadaj it provided an exelent oppertunity to combo his @$$ and win.)

"I dint sign up for this! S&M costs double kid!"

Conveniently Seph had stopped hyperventilating in the corner just as this was said.

"KADAJ! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Seph roared, Kadaj (having already lost 15 of 19 games; thus taking his losses and begging for mercy) threw himself at Seph and latched around the older SHM's waist.

"I just wanted to make Big Brother happy!!" Kadaj cried, "Kira and Lilkaa-san said that Hooters made grown men happy!"

Somewhere to my left I heard Lilaithia squeek and saw her duck behind Squall from the corner of my eye. Sephiroth leveled a glare my way. I glared back, raising a eyebrow sardonicly, tempting him to accuse me of orcastrating this mess. We never really got a chance though.

"Hey! Have your little standoff after you pay me!"

We both turned our glares on the palmtree. He wilted a bit, but stood his ground. Finally Seph asked:

"Who exactly are you?"

"Envy. Shapeshifter extraordinaire. I do odd jobs like modeling and such but I swear this is a first-"

He was cut off as a short blond burst into the room shouting.

"Envy what are your doing here?!"

"Ed! I-" Ed caught sight of the Hooters sign behind us.

"Is this what you've been doing? Manwhoring for-"

(From accross the room exclamations were heard from Xehanort, Xemnas, and Ansem. When they were shushed by the others one of them muttered loudly "He's givin manwhores a bad name...")

Most of the conversation had been lost in the MWSHM's outburst, but the drama wasnt over yet. Ed burst into tears still calling Envy all sorts of names. Durring one particularly horrid insult Envy decided he had had enough, apparently, because he wrapped his arms around the little blond and snogged him for all he was worth. There were a few 'Aww"s from their audience. When they finally broke apart gasping, and in Ed's case sniffling, Evny cocked his head to the side whipping at Ed's tears.

"Im sorry Chibi-san I wont do it again."

"Lets go home now..."

The walked out Envy's arm over Ed's shoulders. There was scattered applause and a few happy tears.

"Well at least thats over." Seph sighed. Kadaj looked up, still wrapped around Seph's waist, hopefully.

"So Big Brother isnt mad?"

Seph looked down at Kadaj like he had forgotten he was there, for a moment we all held out breath Seph looked like he was ether going to let

Kadaj off or kill the boy. He eventually just smacked Kadaj in the head and stepped on him as he stomped out of the room.

Rather anti-climactic. But hey, who cares.

"Hey, Demyx he's gone now."

"Thank god! I was sure he would spot me."

"Did you get it all on tape?"




And from the entryhall a shout could be heard.